Listen more and chatter less!

I have been doing a lot of writing lately about everyday situations and how I cope with some of the challenging moments. I learned at a really young age to not let others attitudes change our own unless it is for the better. I was talking with a person about a month ago whom told me that his life is so hard, he hates his job, he doesn’t get along with his wife, his kids don’t listen to him (no matter how loud he yells) and that he is about to lose his apartment because the rent was raised by 30 percent by his landlord! I felt his anger over all of the bad things that were happening to him and I suggested that he take a step back and look at his situation from another persons’ point of view. Sometimes when we are in the situation we are to close to it to see the obvious solutions, it is really that simple. When I screw up on an invoice or a quote at work my boss will come into my office and show me what I did, I will initially feel annoyed because I cannot believe I screwed up on something that I have done a million and one times before. His advice to me was so simple the other day, yet so true “when you are exhausted from a long day, stop what you are doing and just pick it up the following day!” When we try to do everything all at once we are bound to make mistakes, we are human. So, when I told this man to step back and look at what was really going on, he too saw what I was seeing. Instead of condemning people for what they do, let’s try to understand the reasons why they do what they do. If you have a kid who is being a terror why would that kid behave better when he is being screamed at? We need to step back and see what it is that this kid is looking for, I would bet you a large coffee that he only wants your attention! I try to always remember that most people would rather have bad attention over no attention at all, ignoring others wants and needs and putting our own first is a selfish act but, striving to help others first is being a loving person. You will get much more satisfaction in life when you put others needs in front of your own, try to see the other persons point of view from a distance and start listening more than you talk. Another bad habit that we all have at times is that we love to hear ourselves talk! I will tell you that I have been watching everything I say in the past few months and I listen more than I talk now and have solved many issues in my own life by doing so. If you listen to what your friends and family has to say, you will learn so much more about them. If you chatter nonstop you are only babbling and people won’t listen to you as much. Take the time to listen to everyone around you, be truly sincere in your listening and life gets much easier. Ask questions and seek the answers. I received an email from my friend we were speaking about earlier and he started to listen to his boss, his wife, and his kids more intently. He started to take a breather before he would get defensive and genuinely started to listen to what they were saying! Within the first two weeks of trying to break his habit of “talking over” everyone and “yelling” about what is going wrong in his life, he started to see the changes immediately. He told his wife and his boss that he was trying to “lose his angry temper” and is working on becoming a better husband, father, and co-worker. His wife immediately saw the difference in the kids. They actually looked forward to their father returning home from a hard day at work and spending a little time playing with them without the yelling. His boss noticed he was coming into work with a smile and his productivity has increased tenfold, so he gave him a much needed raise of 20% and is paying for night classes to get him to become a supervisor with a life changing career within the company. The raise will pay for the increase in the rent and be able to pay off debt within two years. His story can be common if we have the right attitude toward both ourselves and everyone who surrounds us. We create our situations in life and we can change those situations in a very short time if we put in a genuine effort to do the right thing for the right reasons. We just need to think of all the good that surrounds us and brush off the negative emotions that arise in situations in our lives, start thinking outside of the box and seeing our own situations from outside of that very same box as-well. Bottom line here is to listen more and chatter less!

FATHER FORGETS

This is a very inspirational story by W. Livingston Larned in the early 1920's for Peoples Home Journal(condensed as in "Readers Digest")Please take a moment and read this, it will help us all to be careful on how we react! Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside. There are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor. At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made for my train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Goodbye, Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your shoulders back!" Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive-and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father! Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped. You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs. Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years. And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there, ashamed! It is feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He is nothing but a boy-a little boy!" I am afraid I have visualised you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much, yet given too little of myself. Promise me, as I teach you to have the manners of a man, that you will remind me how to have the loving spirit of a child.

CHANGE IS GOOD

Life is full of what we put out there. Whether it’s happiness, love, and satisfaction or emptiness, loneliness, and sadness, it is all up to us. It’s really pretty simple. It’s like the old saying “you made your bed, now you have to lie in it.” If you feel that you cannot trust people, you probably won’t. If you feel like the world is against you, it probably will be. If you feel like everything is good and will work out for the best, it will. It takes the tough times to know the good times. If we didn’t have the tough times, then we would naturally forget how valuable the good times are and take them for granted. When you crush your finger between the balls at duckpin bowling and get a huge, throbbing blister on your finger that hurts every time you even get close to touching it, you will realize how lucky you always were when it wasn’t hurt and how much you will appreciate it in a few days when it is healed. When we realize that we really shouldn’t try to change other people’s habits or ways of thinking, but only change our own, it will have great rewards in all our relationships. We can always lead by example and actions, but we should never try to lecture and criticize others, even if it is the easy way out. Lecturing is one of the most destructive patterns we can have, and it will always end up with the same end result: resentment. Also, whatever change we were hoping for will be lost. Eventually, the person you are lecturing will reach the point of not even wanting to change and will start to look for your flaws instead. The love and respect that was once there will start to turn into more and more arguments; fighting will become a nasty habit or even the rule rather than the exception to the rule. Changing our own habits is much more important than trying to change someone elses.