Have you ever gone into a beautiful church with beautiful antique artifacts, pristine walls, and perfect paintings and then you sat in a pew only to notice a crack in the stained glass window? You realize you keep looking at the crack and wonder why that ugly crack hasn’t been fixed; the church has plenty of money to fix it. All of the magnificent beauty of this church is suddenly reduced to almost an insult to you and your time. I use this analogy to make the point that we do the same with people; have you ever seen a friend after five or ten years and the first thought in your mind is “wow, they have gotten old and obese.” Our thoughts naturally go toward the negative. this is taught to us even as children, and it is a habit most of us have because of repetition of these thoughts. After a few moments of talking with your old friend, you realize the person had three grown children now working in fields such as nursing, social work, and teaching. It is exciting to know this person has brought up three children who all chose careers that now help society to be a better place.
No person is perfect, we all have flaws and when we point out other people’s flaws, we are just distracting ourselves from our own. I have found jealousy will always turn into hate and low self-esteem which, often causes us to notice flaws and we tend to gossip about others in order to boost our own feelings. When you are around someone who is gossiping, it is always best to remain silent and not even nod your head in agreement, because this will only encourage this type of behavior.
A wise man once told me there is good and bad in everyone and just always try to illuminate the good. This may not be easy at times and it may take practice but it is a habit worth reaching for. Most experts agree, it takes two weeks of daily activity to form a habit, good or bad. A good exercise would be to pick the person closest to you and write down on a sheet of paper, all the things annoying you about this person. On a second sheet of paper, write all of the positive things about the person. The second part of this exercise will be much harder but really dig down deep and free-write without even thinking. Remember sitting in the church and constantly looking at that crack in the stained glass window and dwelling on the broken piece. So often, we polarize the broken parts of people and ignore or simply don’t even take the time to notice the good attributes. Remember, we are not perfect but, we should work to improve our faults; a good way to do this is to let those imperfections of our loved ones and ourselves go! Once you have completed the exercise, draw a big box around the page about the annoyances of the other person and then crinkle it up into a ball and throw it away forever! Hang onto the second part of the exercise and read it once a day for two weeks; you will see a difference in the relationship becoming healthier and a change in the way you look at everything about that person.
